Light as a Feather… let’s play a game

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My paranormal YA book is being featured on Wattpad right now, and as part of the feature we’re playing a little online game of Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.  As much as I loved the role of storyteller within the game when I was a kid, it’s a challenge coming up with more than twenty weird ways for someone to die every day. I try to stay away from predictions that are a little too possible. Back in the days when my friends and I would play the game at slumber parties, half of the fun of the game was that the storyteller would always try to crack everyone up with the absurdity of the death prediction. Killer clowns, angry bears, law mower accidents… these were the ways in which as middle-graders we all predicted we’d go. I found this really cool site that details 350 actual, horrible ways to die. I am a Tycho Brahe fan and had no idea that his bladder had burst! I feel for him, as I feel for the poor gent who laughed himself to death watching The Goodies.

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If you loved the game, check out the ongoing fun happening at Wattpad. If you dare, you can ask Hannah Simmons to play the game with you, and enter to win a pair of new pajamas from Victoria’s Secret, a pizza, some Netflix, and a scary book – all the makings of a great slumber party.

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5 Things that are Simply Not OK About This Heat

New York

Back in the day (when I was in college) it was not uncommon during the months of July and August for my friends and I, trapped like roaches in stifling New York City apartments without air conditioning, to call each other and have conversations like this:

“I’m totally naked standing in front of the fridge, and my head is in the freezer.” – friend

“Me, too.” – me

We would resort to barbaric techniques like standing under a cold stream of water in the shower in our pajamas, then lie down atop our cheap futon mattresses with fans blowing on us until our clothes were dry. Repeat.  We would avoid certain subway stations with extra-stultifying platforms. And my friends, I tell you, back in those days, it was NOT EVEN THIS HOT.

Here are 5 things that truly extra-suck about the 90+ degree temperatures in New York City this week.

1) When you realize that it’s cooler on the subway platform than it is on the street. That is like some kind of backwards-world/opposite-day scenario and it seriously messes with your mind.

2) When you get an iced coffee at Starbucks and before you even walk one block, all of the ice has melted and you’re basically drinking brown water.

3) Everyone takes the subway. Everyone. All those sporty people who sometimes walk or ride bikes abandon their athleticism and hog up more space on your train when you least want warm bodies in close proximity to you.

4) There are no available cabs, anywhere. No one will stop for you. I pity any woman going into labor on the streets of New York this week, because there ain’t no way anyone’s giving up their cool, air-conditioned ride to help a stranger.

5) Brown-outs. There was a minor one in my neighborhood in the wee hours of the morning today. Nothing is more heartbreaking than hearing your air-conditioner struggling to do its job on reduced power. Unless, of course, that’s happening at the same time as your fan won’t run, your cable modem has no juice, and your laptop battery is drained.

 

Stuff that really ought to stop

Annoyances

These are things in life that I would like to cease.

1)  The commercial for The Conjuring coming on TV when I’m home alone. Not cool, for real.

2) Neighbors shooting off fireworks in advance of July 4. During daylight hours. On weekdays.

3) This humidity.

4) Justin Bieber with the pet monkeys. Come on, man.

5) Men in my apartment building leaving excessive lint in the laundry room dryer lint traps. Lint causes fires, gentlemen. We all know that drying clothes creates lint and it’s not like women protect the secret of how to clean the trap like it’s the lost ark or something. Don’t play dumb. I’m tired of touching your lint!

Movies I Seriously Cannot Wait to See

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This is looking like it’s going to be a pretty great summer for movies. On my must-see list:

1.) The Bling Ring. I adore Emma Watson and I think Sofia Coppola is a genius, so I have high expectations for this one even though the subject matter in the hands of another director would probably be trite and annoying.

2) Man of Steel. Henry Cavill. Wowza.

3) White House Down. This movie looks like a giant turd-burger and the trailer is like, 70 minutes long, but I will pay to see Channing Tatum in just about anything.

4) Insidious Chapter 2. After seeing this movie, I will probably be too scared to ever sleep again. 

5) The Heat. Melissa McCarthy is the funniest woman who ever lived and this movie is just going to be awesome. 

6) R.I.P.D. Hello, Ryan Reynolds. I love you.

7) The Wolverine. I want this movie to be my life. Or, rather, I want to live inside this movie and be BFF with the Wolverine. 

8) We’re the Millers.  

9) Paranoia, starring Liam Hemsworth, Harrison Ford, and Garry Oldman. There is no possible way this movie could be bad. I don’t even know what it’s about and I want to see it.

10) The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones.  I have very high expectations for this movie in that I expect it to be way better than Twilight and Blade combined. And I think it will be.

 

 

Top 5 Chocolate Bars

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This has been on my mind for a while, so I needed to post it and move on with my life.

5) Chunky Kit Kat.  Once you’ve had one of these bulkier treats from England, your regular American Kit Kat bar from the office vending machine will simply no longer suffice.

4) Whatchamacallit. An oldie but a goodie. This candy bar really takes me back to the Halloweens of my childhood. 

3) Lindt Milk Chocolate Pistachio Bar. This is the kind of chocolate bar that you need on hand when your pet is sick or when you’re in the middle of an emotionally charged break-up. This is the description from the Lindt website: Experience the luxury of whole pistachio nuts, covered in a smooth white almond creme and enrobed in Lindt’s finest Swiss milk chocolate. Is this really merely a chocolate bar? Because that description reads like a vacation I’d like to take.

2) Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar. Simplicity, sometimes, is perfection. This is the man, I’ve had a crappy day at work but I’m not going to mess up my chocolate with any caramel or nougat-y stuff kind of bar. For the purist. Keeping dentists in business.

1) Ritter Sport Cornflakes bar. When other candy bars see that yellow wrapper, they pack up and go home. Game over. The king is in the house.

Whew. Now on to more pressing matters, like catching up on The Mindy Project on hulu.

Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board on Kindle Prime!

YA Fiction

Greetings, everyone! If you’re a Kindle Prime member, you can now download Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board for your Kindle for free! So, that’s pretty great, right?

And if that’s not great enough for you (in other words, if you’re not a Kindle Prime member), you can get the ebook for absolutely FREE from Amazon on Thursday 3/7!

 

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Read my book & enter to win $250 at Tiffany!

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Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board is being featured as an Indie Spotlight on Alice Marvels right now, and not only can you download the book for FREE right now, but you can also enter for a chance to win $250 to spend at Tiffany.com!

I have always been fascinated with the idea of a haunted object, or being able to communicate with a spirit through an object that held meaning for a spirit during its life. In the book, a piece of Hannah’s jewelry is what McKenna believes connects her friend to the evil spirit that’s killing off all of the popular girls at Weeping Willow High School. It only seemed fitting to do a giveaway for the book that offers readers a chance to win a precious piece of jewelry of their own!

Read the book and check out the contest! You’ve got until March 4th to enter!

Ghost stuff

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So, I’m hearing that my first novel is going to be published on Tuesday Feb 5. This is pretty exciting even though it doesn’t seem real that it’s happening. The story of Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board is about a common game played by girls at sleepover parties. The first time I ever played that game, I was in the fifth grade at the sleepover party of a girl named Courtney, and it scared me silly! Here’s my one deep thought on the novel before it’s released because I’m nervous about how it will be received: it’s a story about a scary game, but it’s really a story about identity. Kick that idea around for a while.

It’ll be free for probably the first two weeks that it’s available.

Little Known Facts About New York

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If you live in New York, you may not be aware of these true facts.

1) Only two of your four stove top burners will work in any apartment built before 1980. If your apartment has one of those mini ovens, then only one or zero of your burners will function.

2.) None of your stove top burners will work if you happen to already be cooking something in the oven.

3.) If you have any special weekend plans more than two miles away from your apartment, the subway line that would normally be the most convenient will not be running.

4.) It is impossible to run a blow dryer long enough to adequately dry long hair in a private residence without blowing a fuse.

5.) It is perfectly legal for police officers and postal carriers to not do their jobs whenever they feel like it (examples: taking a break from directing traffic to send text messages on a street corner, or leaving a cart full of private mail unguarded outside of a Chinese restaurant for an hour at lunchtime). 

6.) Any reasonably priced produce looks like it fought in a war before arriving at the grocery store.

7.) It is perfectly acceptable to charge a customer more for one glass of wine at a bar than the entire bottle costs at the wine store.

8.) It is perfectly acceptable to charge a customer more for a 4-pack of toilet paper than the amount they pay for monthly rent.

9.) An evil wizard controls the night schedule of the F train, which is why sometimes you wait 45 minutes for it on a Saturday night, and other times two arrive within two minutes of each other.

10.) If your pilot light goes out, you might as well move to a new apartment because no one knows what to do in that situation.