Little Known Facts About New York

If you live in New York, you may not be aware of these true facts.

1) Only two of your four stove top burners will work in any apartment built before 1980. If your apartment has one of those mini ovens, then only one or zero of your burners will function.

2.) None of your stove top burners will work if you happen to already be cooking something in the oven.

3.) If you have any special weekend plans more than two miles away from your apartment, the subway line that would normally be the most convenient will not be running.

4.) It is impossible to run a blow dryer long enough to adequately dry long hair in a private residence without blowing a fuse.

5.) It is perfectly legal for police officers and postal carriers to not do their jobs whenever they feel like it (examples: taking a break from directing traffic to send text messages on a street corner, or leaving a cart full of private mail unguarded outside of a Chinese restaurant for an hour at lunchtime). 

6.) Any reasonably priced produce looks like it fought in a war before arriving at the grocery store.

7.) It is perfectly acceptable to charge a customer more for one glass of wine at a bar than the entire bottle costs at the wine store.

8.) It is perfectly acceptable to charge a customer more for a 4-pack of toilet paper than the amount they pay for monthly rent.

9.) An evil wizard controls the night schedule of the F train, which is why sometimes you wait 45 minutes for it on a Saturday night, and other times two arrive within two minutes of each other.

10.) If your pilot light goes out, you might as well move to a new apartment because no one knows what to do in that situation.


Published by zoe aarsen

i am an illustrator, a cat herder and an all-around troublemaker residing in los angeles. i write and read stories about scary things.

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