Movies I Will One Day Write About My Neighbors

Annoyances, New York

Living in New York City is full of many perils (crime, vermin, subway derailments, etc). Life here also offers a great many annoyances, most of which are related to the fact that there are far too many people living here, crammed into buildings that are rapidly falling into rack and ruin.  Even the most pleasant of neighbors can become a most hated enemy in a matter of hours if a leaky faucet, raucous party, lonely dog, or toothing toddler are involved.

Here is a list of movies I will one day (maybe today) write about my apartment building neighbors, past and present:

1) The Alcoholic Wore Tap Shoes

2) 365 Days of Furniture Rearrangement

3) Colic (a horror movie)

4) Saturday Night Minstrel Jam (tagline: Why book a gig when someone has a living room?)

5) Vampire Methheads

6) 4AM Lockout (tagline: Carlos discovers that sometimes people DO sleep in the city that never sleeps, specifically at 4AM when the locksmith comes over with a power drill)

7) The Endless Break-Up

8) The Asthmatic in the Sixth Floor Walk-Up

9) The Boys Next Door (Love the Beastie Boys)

10) The Rooftop Party Empire


Stuff that really ought to stop


These are things in life that I would like to cease.

1)  The commercial for The Conjuring coming on TV when I’m home alone. Not cool, for real.

2) Neighbors shooting off fireworks in advance of July 4. During daylight hours. On weekdays.

3) This humidity.

4) Justin Bieber with the pet monkeys. Come on, man.

5) Men in my apartment building leaving excessive lint in the laundry room dryer lint traps. Lint causes fires, gentlemen. We all know that drying clothes creates lint and it’s not like women protect the secret of how to clean the trap like it’s the lost ark or something. Don’t play dumb. I’m tired of touching your lint!